remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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