the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
