the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
