seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
