1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
