I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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