If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
