Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
