some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
