I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
