So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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