I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
