My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
