Kiss
Puke
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
