He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
