he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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