so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
