Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
