I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
