i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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