He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
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