Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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