i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
