we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
