I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
