Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
