First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
