i just wanna soil my oats bro
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
