First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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