my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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