Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Drake has all the answers
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
