Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
