I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
