You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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