lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
