my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
porn star boner night. come get it.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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