You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
