I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
