we're blogging at a bar
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
