What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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