After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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