Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
