mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
