I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
