R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
