I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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