Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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