If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
