i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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