I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
