We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
