saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
