those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
